Are you a person who does not start a fight but could finish one? Someone who does not initiate a rift but who neither backs down when enraged? If you are, then you can relate to what I will be talking about.

Harmless, unless provoked, I would often say about myself. A time bomb that can blast once you push the activate button. It is not something I take pride of, that is just my nature.

Recently though, with an awakened awareness and a conscious decision to live a less stressful life, I started embracing calmness and serenity. For somebody as strong-willed and stubborn as me, this shift can be truly described as #thestruggleisreal. In fact, I backslide every so often. A control-freak aspiring to become a free-spirited soul? That is absolutely no joke.

However, what I find most helpful in this journey, is the increased awareness of the things WITHIN and BEYOND my control. I am learning to choose my battles now.

My triggers are very much still around. Their presence can be so loud and domineering. There are times I find myself giving in to their bait to bite. And yes, I do bite. And realizing later on the consequences, I learn to forgive myself, to let go and then strive to do better again.

A few days ago, I was caught in a situation where my resolve was put to test once more. This time, it was double the challenge since the reason why I fight became THE subject of the fight.

Family. That is both my strength and my weakness. I fight for my family, I keep fighting because of family and then, I found myself falling because of family.

For someone who struggles to remain calm, what an achievement indeed that in that triggered moment, the time bomb that I was, did not even budge. I was pushed beyond what I would have considered my border line. With baseless accusations and derogatory remarks being thrown to my face, I was amazingly able to restrain myself. The hurt was there. In fact, it cut me deep. The urge to fight back, to speak out and justify what I stand for to be right, was so strong.

But a realization had sunk in at that very moment. Amidst the turmoil of emotions, it no longer mattered WHO was right. Doing WHAT was right had predominated. The dictates of conscience and a new level of consciousness paved the way to acceptance and submission. I had to admit, I felt proud of myself.

I realized that though we fight to win, sometimes, we need to go through certain losses in order to gain the prize that is far more worthwhile.

It is that wisdom, of choosing to do what is right regardless of who might think is right, that can relieve you of any burden of guilt. You can walk away with much greater peace because in your heart you know you have done the right thing.