Day 3 here at Alhibe.  It’s daybreak, and I am sitting here at the balcony of the Payag.  I hear birds, I see the mountains, I hear roosters. I feel the cold air and mist of the early morning. I’m not sure what time it is. 

Since arriving here, one thing I’ve stopped doing, aside from disconnecting from the internet and the rest of the world outside, was to check the time.  I would know it’s breakfast, lunchtime or dinner time when the staff would come and tell us our meals are ready.  That’s one thing – one of the many things I will miss – someone telling me everything is ready and all I have to do is show up at the dining table.  

In a few hours, I will be back to my world of preparing everything for everyone.  But a good reminder from the book I brought here with me –

_{“Because a warrior of light knows he has duties and responsibilities.”} 

_{(Excerpt from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho)}

In a few hours, I will be facing those once more and with a different perspective now.  

I am grateful for this experience of coming here in a place of retreat, of reflection, of getting in touch with nature and with my inner self.  There have been distractions, yes – an impatient, loud and attention-seeker 6-year-old, a physically sensitive 19-year-old who’s as fearful and paranoid as my overly anxious 47-year-old husband.  I got annoyed and irritated a few times during our stay, complaining this was supposed to be MY vacation to de-stress and here they are, still stressing me out.

Especially this morning when my husband told me he did not get enough sleep last night. He showed me a “surprise” in his phone – a photo of a giant lizard, “tuko” on the ceiling of our payag.  I told him how he spoils such a moment of supposedly peace and calm.

Then, as I reflect on it, this whole experience which I initially regarded as an “escape” from reality, should not be such.  It can be and it SHOULD be facing reality and knowing how to deal with it, as with every person and situation.

Surely, this is a retreat, a time of surrender, of total surrender. There are things that are so beautiful to the eyes, to the feeling, but there are those, too, that are far from the ideal. And both co-exist in this world and in your life.

Just like how beautiful this place is, with all the trees and flowers and a swimming pool with naturally cool waters coming from a cold spring. The structures are made from basic raw materials available in the place. But this did not come without its downside – the insects and all other crawling and flying creatures that exist to strike a balance to nature.

BALANCE. I believe that is what this trip is all about.  It is about striking a balance and gaining control on things within my control.  I cannot control the existence of bees, ants, mosquitos in this paradise, as they too, have their contribution to making this place the way it is.  I can, however, manage the way they can affect me. Citronella sprays, insect repellants lotion and cream, anti-itch and calamine lotion for insect bites – these are the things I have with me to, at least, help prevent being attacked and bothered by those I do not want to come in contact with.

In the same way, the behavior of the people around me is something out of my control.  It is manageable, yes. I just need to equip myself, just as I did with the insects, with my own behavior.  An approach that can strike a balance between dealing with it head on, or by simply ignoring or avoiding it, if it’s not worth the time, energy and attention.

There is so much beauty in nature.  But there are things not so beautiful in it, too.  Nevertheless, those not-so-beautiful sides of it still form part of the whole cycle that make everything beautiful.

My family can be a handful.  They can be annoying and irritating at times, especially in those moments when you just want to have a little space to enjoy some peace and quiet.  But these people make up most of the beautiful things and memories which added so much meaning and purpose in my life.  They are the reason why I wake up everyday, ready to take on anything and everything that’s ahead of me.

Balance.  Yes, it is all about balance.  And I believe, this is “strength” that

“I should tell myself to use for the rest of my life.”

_{(excerpt from Paulo Coelho’s book, Like the Flowing River)} 

Life will never be perfect.  Things, people, situations co-exist.  But with balance, life can still be beautiful.  It is, in fact, so beautiful. 

Written on 8.12.2021

Terrace of Payag

Early morning after sunrise

Alhibe Farm, North of Cebu

Postscript:

Watching my husband now from the terrace where I’m sitting and having my coffee.  He is walking around in his boxers, while brushing his teeth.  I am smiling, no, I am actually laughing at this sight.  This man is truly something else.  How I hate and love him for that – the absurdity, candidness and naturally comical side of him that make this family the best blessing I cannot even imagine I would ever have.