Oftentimes, it is believed that:
Those who give up are weak;
Those who walk away are cowards; and
Those who keep quiet are scared.
Depending on what you give up, what you walk away from and why you choose to keep quiet, the whole perspective changes.
One morning, I opened the freezer and found a broken bottle of water. By the way it looked, the bottle did not just break, it exploded. My initial reaction was annoyance and anger. Who in their right mind would leave a glass bottle inside a freezer? Anyone with common sense knows that it will eventually break.
Seeing broken pieces scattered all over the freezer and unable to tell whether some were ice or glass, different scenarios flashed through my mind.
“What if someone opened the freezer door at the time the bottle exploded?” The thought gave me chills, I had to immediately dismiss it.
“What if tiny broken pieces went to all the ice makers and all the ice cubes will have broken glass in them?” I ended up throwing away all the ice.
“What if those tiny pieces found their way to all the frozen food we have stocked inside?” I immediately took everything out to get them washed.
As I was about to do so, I opened the faucet sink only to find out we were having water service interruption that day and there was no running water available.
It was the perfect time for an apocalypse. Annoyance turned into irritation and anger into rage.
On the brink of a flare up, I waited for the culprit to come down. My husband.
He seemed shocked at what he saw and suddenly remembered it was him who placed it there and forgot to take it out. He quickly explained he needed to get cold water quickly for the workers who did some repair in the house the day before.
He quickly took over the clean up I had started, telling me to step aside and to be careful not hurt myself.
I did not step aside. I was upset and was in no hesitation to show my husband just that.
But amidst the chaos in the kitchen and the war of words going on in my head, I took a mental step back.
The old me would have turned that entire day as disastrous as it started.
Thankfully, 3 unexpected things happened:
I gave up the urge to start a fight. I came to terms that it was something none of us wanted to happen. Not even him who caused the mess that morning. None of the things I feared had actually happen. My husband's intention that drove him to put that bottle inside the freezer was to quench the thirst of workers doing their job to fix something for us under the scorching heat of summer. I gave up the messy ending of something that was done out of service and not malice. I walked away from what could have been a bad day for all of us. Shifting my reaction from harsh judgment to understanding made the biggest difference. Sometimes it pays to be rational rather than emotional.
I kept quiet when I could have said things to stir an argument and prove that I was right. I stopped from saying things I know I will end up regretting later when the anger subsides.
I did not feel weak when I gave up the urge to fight.
I did not see myself as coward when I walked away from turning another day into a bad day.
I was not scared when I kept my mouth shut and avoided hurtful words from coming out.
Certainly there are things worth fighting for, worth staying and worth speaking up for. But in life, we need to learn to choose those battles.As for me, the realization was that broken glass bottles can be replaced and the mess they make can be cleaned up.
Peace is a prize worth giving up things for.
Relationships are treasures worth keeping.
Kindness is a luxury not everyone can afford to have and give away.
At the end of the day, the choice remain with us.
Note to Self 